ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
