The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
40s are totally the cure
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
