Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
