I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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