just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
