Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
