Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
