I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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