I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
