"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
