I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
