um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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