There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
