i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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