And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
