how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
