I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
