somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
