The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
