Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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