U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How's work?
Spinning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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