I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
