is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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