i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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