I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
