im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
