ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
