I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
