Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
