dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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