Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
too bad you live with your parents still
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
