my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
