I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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