What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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