Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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