Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
