Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
