She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
