I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
