The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
