i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
