Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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