Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
