my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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