Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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