how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
