i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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