like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
