I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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