1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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