At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
