Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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