Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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