I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
there is glitter all over my balls
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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