that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
