mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
